major_west: (talky talk)
major_west ([personal profile] major_west) wrote2009-02-06 10:51 am

072

I've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.

I wasn't wrong.

I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden. I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?

Well. It's something to think about.

My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.

[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Morgan's the opposite, I suppose. She really believes in this.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Hasn't she noticed that this place is torturing us?

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 07:03 pm (UTC)(link)
I think so. She just seems to react to it in much the same way people believe a deity is responsible for everything.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 07:22 pm (UTC)(link)
But... Have you pointed out to her that she's obviously wrong? There is no god, just various promotions.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 08:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Our arguments don't tend to go anywhere.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
No, neither do ours. I don't know how they can not see what this place is, especially since... since what happened with them.

Private

[identity profile] i-hate-posses.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I'll see what I can get. Got a hankerin' for somethin' in particular?

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
They just say it isn't the Admiral's fault, despite the fact that it is. If he'd been running any sort of proper ship at all, it wouldn't have escalated in such a way.

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
No, anything is fine. Is there something I can get you in return?

Private

[identity profile] i-hate-posses.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
You don't got to do that.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
If he can't stop things like this, then he should just let us go! He could just take us somewhere harmless, like the last port, then just let us stay there.

We could adapt to just one place instead of having to live like this.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
That isn't a bad idea, actually. Those who want to go home, can. The rest of us can go elsewhere.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 10:52 pm (UTC)(link)
I wish we could just do that.

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Why don't we try just... not coming back?

Private

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 11:23 pm (UTC)(link)
...

Do you think we could do that? Do you think we could get away from them for long enough?

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know, really. My first port, when it was over, the next door I opened took me back to the Barge.

But who says we have to go in?

Private

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 11:43 pm (UTC)(link)
...So... if the next port isn't too bad...

Will you stay there?

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
If some people stay with me... I'd consider it.

I don't know. I don't have any place anywhere, honestly.

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks.

Private

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 12:22 am (UTC)(link)
I think if the right people were staying then I would too.

I want to go home one day, but the only way that they'll let me will be once I'm not even myself anymore, so then it won't matter where I am. It's better to just get out now...

Private (after reading all the public comments to this entry...)

[identity profile] thatlibbychick.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
Not all wardens delight in messing around with their inmates, West. And not all of us put blind faith in this place.

Some wardens are almost like...pseudo-inmates, who didn't do anything horrible enough to be actual inmates; we're they're here to redeem ourselves themselves voluntarily. We They know what it's like to feel guilt over what we're they've done. I'm not sure how many others there are, but trust me...we're they're around.

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
It's a bit random. Perhaps they'll take you home sooner, for a port.

Private

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
It isn't just the Wardens, really. It's the entire... system here.

...I suppose. They must be as trapped as the rest of us.

I'm sorry I was a bit of a prick, by the way. During all of the... Admiral mess.
gimmethemap: (you what?)

1/2

[personal profile] gimmethemap 2009-02-07 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
gimmethemap: (you're right)

2 [Private]

[personal profile] gimmethemap 2009-02-07 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
I really don't know what to say, Major.

I just

You know I want to help, and that I'll do what I can.

...If you want a nightcap, Major. To help with the dreams, I mean. I won't hold it against you, but I can't have you drinking yourself sick.

But it's only going to mask the problem, isn't it? Is there anything else? There are doctors, I know. People here. Head doctors -- ones that don't look like Jim.

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