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major_westI've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.
I wasn't wrong.
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
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From:Let's pretend Charlie heard the screaming
Date: 2009-02-06 06:14 pm (UTC)OK
Date: 2009-02-06 06:25 pm (UTC)Probably.
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Date: 2009-02-06 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-06 06:28 pm (UTC)[Private]
Unless you have some.
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Date: 2009-02-06 09:56 pm (UTC)Private
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From:Private (after reading all the public comments to this entry...)
Date: 2009-02-07 01:57 am (UTC)Some wardens are almost like...pseudo-inmates, who didn't do anything horrible enough to be actual inmates;
we'rethey're here to redeemourselvesthemselves voluntarily.WeThey know what it's like to feel guilt over whatwe'rethey've done. I'm not sure how manyothersthere are, but trust me...we'rethey're around.Private
Date: 2009-02-07 02:54 am (UTC)...I suppose. They must be as trapped as the rest of us.
I'm sorry I was a bit of a prick, by the way. During all of the... Admiral mess.
Private
Date: 2009-02-07 06:09 am (UTC)and still sort of ammentally unhinged...none of us were exactly at our best. There's no need to apologize for that.Private
Date: 2009-02-07 03:48 pm (UTC)1/2
Date: 2009-02-07 05:29 am (UTC)2 [Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:35 am (UTC)I justYou know I want to help, and that I'll do what I can.
...If you want a nightcap, Major. To help with the dreams, I mean. I won't hold it against you, but I can't have you drinking yourself sick.
But it's only going to mask the problem, isn't it? Is there anything else? There are doctors, I know. People here. Head doctors -- ones that don't look like Jim.
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Date: 2009-02-07 05:39 am (UTC)[Private]
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