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major_westI've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.
I wasn't wrong.
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
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[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:39 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:42 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:44 am (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 02:44 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 03:49 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 03:51 pm (UTC)You know what happens to people who leave the Barge when it's undocked. What would you have me do? What for a port and release you into the wild?
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 03:57 pm (UTC)This place wouldn't be so terrible if it weren't for the floods and the suicide missions. How can you justify it?!
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:00 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:02 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:07 pm (UTC)But it's not going to change if you found another place you could go. It might be different, but there'd still be things that'd take control away from you, that'll mess with your sense of self.
That's life, Major.
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:30 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:43 pm (UTC)I wish I could assure you that if you had a normal life, or one at least a little more normal, there'd be experiences that might come along and teach you things. You might not become someone you victimized, but you'd learn what it feels like to be a victim. You might not become a woman, but you'd get some idea through something what it is like to feel maternal. The same with being a child or a teenager -- you're going to feel ignorant, or blissfully trusting, or silly sometimes.
And horrible things might happen sometimes, but you're getting a sense of empathy you never could have gotten back home, whether you want to have it or not. It's different for something to be like something else as opposed to actually being it. And rather than use that, and give some power back to yourself, you'd rather stand back and cry about how unfair it is.
It's life. It's unfair.
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:52 pm (UTC)But I'm tiredI don't need it spilling into the afterlife to teach me a 'lesson'![Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:55 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 04:58 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:01 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:03 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:09 pm (UTC)It's said more often the longer I'm around, but shit happens, Henry.
You can't control what happens in port, just guard yourself.
You couldn't stop someone from hurting you when you were vulnerable.
That was my job anywayYou couldn't prevent what happened to your men or what happened to you.
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:11 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:16 pm (UTC)Sometimes everybody dies.
That doesn't mean a sense of integrity isn't important.
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:43 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:46 pm (UTC)But if this were a normal world, where you had come close to losing someone that special to you forever, what would you do, knowing that right now, you still have them?
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:48 pm (UTC)[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:49 pm (UTC)I don't think you realize how many second chances this place gives you sometimes. If you'd met him in your own world one of you might already be gone forever.
[Private]
Date: 2009-02-07 05:59 pm (UTC)[Private]
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