major_west: (talky talk)
major_west ([personal profile] major_west) wrote2009-02-06 10:51 am

072

I've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.

I wasn't wrong.

I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden. I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?

Well. It's something to think about.

My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.

[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
ext_956366: Malcolm Jamieson as Armand in the Scarlet Pimpernel wearing waistcoat and cravat nodding his head and closed eyes (bow) (chin down)

[identity profile] young-idealist.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know you personally, monsieur, but I assure you everyone can redeem their misdeeds and gain a better life for themselves. Even you, no matter what you've done.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I've already been punished for whichever misdeeds are in my file. More than enough.
ext_956366: Malcolm Jamieson as Armand in the Scarlet Pimpernel wearing waistcoat and cravat nodding his head and closed eyes (bow) (upright)

[identity profile] young-idealist.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
You mistake me if you think I speak of punishment. I speak of redemption and making amends. Have you done that?

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Punishment and amends seem to be intricately tied together here. Any changes I've made have only been in reaction to manipulation, nothing genuine.
ext_956366: Malcolm Jamieson as Armand in the Scarlet Pimpernel wearing waistcoat and cravat nodding his head and closed eyes (bow) (angry frown)

[identity profile] young-idealist.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Then perhaps you should rethink your reactions and your assessment. I wasn't given to believe the purpose here was punishment.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, you're in the fortunate position of being a warden.

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Let's pretend Charlie heard the screaming

[identity profile] i-hate-posses.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
That was you?

[identity profile] i-hate-posses.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Ain't like you to write like that. Can't you just drink somethin' to feel better?

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
I would, but Morgan's banned me from drinking.

[Private]
Unless you have some.

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[identity profile] i-hate-posses.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I'll see what I can get. Got a hankerin' for somethin' in particular?

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[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I agree. Everything this place does is designed to ruin us.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
It's true. Of course, the Wardens wouldn't agree.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Sometimes I think Sam does. Then he makes up some reasons why he's wrong and this place is good for us after all, and when he's convinced himself of that again he forgets about it.

[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Morgan's the opposite, I suppose. She really believes in this.

[identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com 2009-02-06 07:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Hasn't she noticed that this place is torturing us?

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Private (after reading all the public comments to this entry...)

[identity profile] thatlibbychick.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 01:57 am (UTC)(link)
Not all wardens delight in messing around with their inmates, West. And not all of us put blind faith in this place.

Some wardens are almost like...pseudo-inmates, who didn't do anything horrible enough to be actual inmates; we're they're here to redeem ourselves themselves voluntarily. We They know what it's like to feel guilt over what we're they've done. I'm not sure how many others there are, but trust me...we're they're around.

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[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
It isn't just the Wardens, really. It's the entire... system here.

...I suppose. They must be as trapped as the rest of us.

I'm sorry I was a bit of a prick, by the way. During all of the... Admiral mess.

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[identity profile] thatlibbychick.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 06:09 am (UTC)(link)
Don't worry about it. You were a prick, I was and still sort of am mentally unhinged...none of us were exactly at our best. There's no need to apologize for that.

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[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Still, I'm sorry for what happened to you. You're one of the better people here; you didn't deserve it.
gimmethemap: (you're right)

2 [Private]

[personal profile] gimmethemap 2009-02-07 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
I really don't know what to say, Major.

I just

You know I want to help, and that I'll do what I can.

...If you want a nightcap, Major. To help with the dreams, I mean. I won't hold it against you, but I can't have you drinking yourself sick.

But it's only going to mask the problem, isn't it? Is there anything else? There are doctors, I know. People here. Head doctors -- ones that don't look like Jim.
gimmethemap: (Default)

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[personal profile] gimmethemap 2009-02-07 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
You need something other than liquor.

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[identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com 2009-02-07 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
I need to get out of here before the next flood or hostile takeover occurs.

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