072

Feb. 6th, 2009 10:51 am
major_west: (talky talk)
[personal profile] major_west
I've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.

I wasn't wrong.

I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden. I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?

Well. It's something to think about.

My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.

[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]

Date: 2009-02-06 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
It's true. Of course, the Wardens wouldn't agree.

Date: 2009-02-06 06:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
Sometimes I think Sam does. Then he makes up some reasons why he's wrong and this place is good for us after all, and when he's convinced himself of that again he forgets about it.

Date: 2009-02-06 06:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
Morgan's the opposite, I suppose. She really believes in this.

Date: 2009-02-06 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
Hasn't she noticed that this place is torturing us?

Date: 2009-02-06 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
I think so. She just seems to react to it in much the same way people believe a deity is responsible for everything.

Date: 2009-02-06 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
But... Have you pointed out to her that she's obviously wrong? There is no god, just various promotions.

Date: 2009-02-06 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
Our arguments don't tend to go anywhere.

Date: 2009-02-06 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
No, neither do ours. I don't know how they can not see what this place is, especially since... since what happened with them.

Date: 2009-02-06 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
They just say it isn't the Admiral's fault, despite the fact that it is. If he'd been running any sort of proper ship at all, it wouldn't have escalated in such a way.

Date: 2009-02-06 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
If he can't stop things like this, then he should just let us go! He could just take us somewhere harmless, like the last port, then just let us stay there.

We could adapt to just one place instead of having to live like this.

Date: 2009-02-06 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
That isn't a bad idea, actually. Those who want to go home, can. The rest of us can go elsewhere.

Date: 2009-02-06 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
I wish we could just do that.

Private

Date: 2009-02-06 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
Why don't we try just... not coming back?

Private

Date: 2009-02-06 11:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
...

Do you think we could do that? Do you think we could get away from them for long enough?

Private

Date: 2009-02-06 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
I don't know, really. My first port, when it was over, the next door I opened took me back to the Barge.

But who says we have to go in?

Private

Date: 2009-02-06 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
...So... if the next port isn't too bad...

Will you stay there?

Private

Date: 2009-02-07 12:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
If some people stay with me... I'd consider it.

I don't know. I don't have any place anywhere, honestly.

Private

Date: 2009-02-07 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] buywithme.livejournal.com
I think if the right people were staying then I would too.

I want to go home one day, but the only way that they'll let me will be once I'm not even myself anymore, so then it won't matter where I am. It's better to just get out now...

Private

Date: 2009-02-07 02:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
It's a bit random. Perhaps they'll take you home sooner, for a port.

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