major_west (
major_west) wrote2009-02-06 10:51 am
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I've considered writing something more eloquent; however, I don't really see the point right now, so I'll simply lay it out: I don't understand how things work here. I don't understand how we are expected to undergo these floods, these ports, and now-- most recently-- this "invasion," and gain anything positive from what is, essentially, torture manipulation. It seems very... Old Testament, an "eye for an eye" sort of affair. At least, this has been my own personal experience here. I've done terrible things to people, and in return, I have to have terrible things done to me in excess in order to... repent? Absolve myself? Become "good enough" to deserve some vague sort of reward? Am I expected to repress everything and smile, move on to the next violation of my very self? I can do it-- I'm no stranger to repression, after all-- but I'm not going to gain anything from it.
I wasn't wrong.
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.I utterly detest the Wardens. What reason do I have to graduate?
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
I had an identity that was worth something back home, but I failed to uphold it. I'm nothing here. Just an Inmate. I have nowhere to go-- nowhere I'd want to go, at least-- and I don't want to become a Warden.
Well. It's something to think about.
My apologies to anybody whose sleep I've disturbed in the past week. I hope that it won't happen again.
[OOC: EMOOOO ARAGHHH. But yeah, West's nightmares have had him screaming several nights in a row, but thanks to Billy, it's probably going to stop now!]
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But what makes me happy isn't...
rightsafeI pursue my own happiness just... fine.[Private]
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I feel like you've never been completely open to talking about them. Not to me, anyway.
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About... what?
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Your problems. The things that keep you up. Y'know your profile only gives me so much, and they didn't pick me merely to anticipate you.
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There isn't much to talk about. That's why. I mean-- I've said enough about them.
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My father didn't care to hear about my enjoying the company of men, to be honest. But that's because he's my father. I'm always going to be his little girl when it comes to stuff like that.
And pirates don't go off and get married or have 'relationships' all that often. Those things end pretty quickly, so it's not really the same.
I honestly don't think he'd have been surprised if I turned around and started chasing after women. I wasn't raised around any and had a habit of taking after everyone else on the ship.
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My mum wanted me to marry a proper woman, give her a few grandchildren, all of that. She was always on about it when I visited. I didn't want to disappoint her.
And my dad... He was a very difficult man. That's all.
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So it was a matter of either doing what would make you happy or making the people you love happy.
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girlyvulnerable.[Private]
I mean, seriously, who the Hell cares what other people think? You're not weak.
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