major_west: (crazy in the rain)
[personal profile] major_west
I've been here for nearly two years now, and while others may have seen results, I have not. It's become clear to me that no matter what course I'd have taken, the end result would have been the same: they live. My men and I die. Perhaps, if I had been a better man-- by whatever metric you wardens measure it by-- I'd have had no second chance at all. My death would have brought peace, a darkness, whatever it is those who do not end up on the Barge receive... and nothing more.

In light of that, I must admit that I've even less reason to repent. I'm quite attached to consciousness, to simply being and feeling alive, even if it's in death here.

Survival is all that matters.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
I never wish to see or speak to them again.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 08:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
And you don't have to, but you will not deny your crimes against them.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
I already know it was wrong. I knew that before I even met them.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
And yet you speak in your entry as though there is no point in regretting that, or in professing regret.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
No. I just see that doing things differently would have yielded the same results.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
If there had not been a plague, Henry -- if you had lived the rest of your life, retired decorated and fat, and died in your bed, you still would have died, as would every single one of your men. Same result.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
That's not what I'm talking about at all!

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
The circumstances of your death were different both times, sparrow.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
It's the fact that they were still KILLED that upsets me.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
So you're saying that the fact that you died is not the trouble -- despite your taking the time to note that this place is preferable. It's solely them.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
No, I'm saying that I failed them either way, and that had I not gone and done what I did, I'd likely have died and ended up nowhere.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
I can't confirm or deny whether that would be true. Ended up nowhere, or on a ship like the one we both saw -- a ship that takes souls impressive enough to be worth making a conscious effort towards dirtying them.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] major-west.livejournal.com
Oh, what an afterlife that would be. If only I'd gone and done the right thing.

Private

Date: 2010-02-01 10:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] impure-tale.livejournal.com
All possibilities, cherub. And neither of us have any idea how that would have ended, ultimately.

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